One does not simply walk into Mordor and other things I learned from Lord of the Rings

I absolutely adore the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the Hobbit. I’ll admit that I haven’t read the books. (but I’m thinking now that I may have the capacity to read them) I recently decided to marathon all six Peter Jackson films, because I’m insane and had no better use of my weekend. And I realized how many life lessons can be found in these stories.

(Major spoilers ahead by the way. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

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Always be polite to people. Especially when you show up at their house unexpectedly for a party they didn’t know was happening.

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Eat! Eating is great. It’s a wonderful thing in life and there are so many wonderful things to eat and second breakfast is amazing.

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Being fabulous is an absolute birth right that everyone needs to flaunt more often. Though you will never be as fabulous as King Thranduil so don’t even try.

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Friends will always have your back even when you do batshit crazy stuff like taking on the most evil dark lord ever to exist and his entire army with maybe 500 extras.

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The secret to cooking dwarf is to skin them first and then roast them over an open flame. Just watch that they don’t bite your ankles in the process.

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Only women and hobbits can effectively kill ring wraiths. Well sorry men, looks like you can’t do everything.

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Want to make more money? Add in a nonexistent character and subplot that will piss off every fan of the books, but will still make you a shit ton of money because the fans will still go see the movies.

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Gandalf predicts how every college math course goes for me.

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The dwarves of Erebor would have been fucked if these two became king.

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Legolas apparently has +2 to drinking.

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If Bilbo was more like Martin Freeman, Smaug wouldn’t have burned down laketown, Azog would have ran back to Mordor and hid there for eternity and Bilbo would be king of Erebor instead of Thorin.

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Punctuality is very important…. especially to hobbits.

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Benadryl Crumblebench is a  very underrated actor.

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Hobbits love Isengard.

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In another life, Thranduil baked pies and couldn’t have physical contact with his girlfriend.

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Frodo is literally a moron and really should not have been trusted with the ring in the first place. Don’t be like Frodo. Be a Samwise Gamgee.

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Aidan and Dean are precious and should not be allowed to take anymore roles that they die in.

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Faramir is perfect #mangoals. I will not apologize for my high expectations.

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Literally no one would blame Fili and Kili for pushing Thorin off the wall in this scene.

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I’m not adding anything to this gif.

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This elf is me at family gatherings.

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Eomer is prettier than everyone in this entire film series.

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Gold does not kill dragons… don’t bother trying.

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Don’t light fireworks inside tents. Just don’t.

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Whoever thought to make attractive dwarves is a freaking marketing genius.

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Billy Boyd needs to sing a lot more often.

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If this was real life, Thorin would have just killed everyone in that tree.

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I am Pippin in all of the greatest ways.

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Fili is a seriously underrated character film-wise and he deserved a lot more attention in the end.

à bientôt

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