It is almost officially summer!! My designated season! (strangely not my favorite though.(It’s autumn. Dem leafs tho!) And before we get to far into my topic, I want to point out that Yes, I understand that you may be boiling alive in death valley and sure it might be 120 degrees in Austin, Texas. But here’s the thing… I don’t give a damn.
Here in the midwest and especially in Michigan we have two very extreme seasons, winter and summer, or as I like to call them cold af and hot af. Oh what’s that, what about Spring and Autumn? Oh we have those too, but their essentially the same. Kind of cool, sometimes a bit uncomfortably warm. But kind of just meh. No no, it is summer and winter that kill us.
So as soon as May hits here, it’s time to start your summer preparations, because if you are not prepared you will die. So here is a list of all the things you should do if you are to survive a midwestern summer.
1. Get out of winter mode.
I know you’ve been wearing that heavy down coat since the middle of November but you will not need it… until Halloween.
2. Get your summer duds on!
Wherever you’ve been hiding your short shorts and you flippy flops it’s time to get them out. Doing so now gives you an opportunity to get some new stuff, because most likely you’ve still got a few extra pounds from your winter hibernation status. And if last years summer clothes still fit, you either didn’t eat between Thanksgiving and Easter, are really good at maintaining a healthy weight or you’re the luckiest person alive.
Let’s be honest ladies, you have’t seriously shaved your legs/bikini zone since October. (And if you have, did you enjoy wearing leggings under your jeans in January?) Those lovely, long appendages haven’t seen the light of day in eight months. It’s best to get it out of the way now, so all summer you’re just touching up. Pro tip: Use one of those kind of crappy electric razors that you can use dry or wet first to get rid of the bulk of the hair. Then you won’t have to use five razors in the shower… unless you’re unlucky enough to have really thick leg hair… then godspeed my friend.
This step is extremely important for my translucently white girls. I’m dead serious here, you’re skin has not been exposed to this much sun in nine months, please so some pre-game tanning so you don’t burn. You don’t even have to go outside to do it, you can go to a salon, use some self tanner whatever, please don’t think that sunscreen alone will save your precious ivory flesh.
While I hope you have AC, fans are the best way to stay cool. First of all its cheaper, because it’s just circulating the air that’s already in the room. And while a fan might not keep you as cool as Air Conditioning, you can stay comfortable. Just do it.
So whatever you do to prepare for summer, just remember that you’re supposed to have fun. So you do you and enjoy these three months, because you could have to trudge through four feet of snow.