Troubles of being a summer child

Everyone thinks that if you’re born in summer that you are some how superior. Like dude you’re a summer kid so you’re like super fun and chill. People think you’re athletic and love being outside when really you spend most of the time inside playing video games because it’s too god damn hot.

I feel like it’s a lot of pressure to live up to peoples expectation of summer children. We’re really not any different then everyone else. So here are some of the reasons that I think it sucks being a summer kid.

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While everyone else in school couldn’t wait for the final bell of the school year, you never really got the point. Sure you were just as excited for break as everyone else, but it always seems like summer kids are a lot more chill about it.

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It is not fun having to deal with the hottest time of the year. Like it’s too damn hot in summer. And those poor Leo’s who are literally born at the hottest part of summer (I would know I’m one of them)

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You will never get to have a class birthday party. Like seriously every time someone had a birthday in your class you’d sit there and wish your mom could bring in cupcakes. Your class couldn’t handle your moms cupcakes. And if you did celebrate your birthday in class it was with some bullshit end of the year “Hey let’s throw all of the summer kids up in front of the class and make it one big party.” Because I wanted to share that with freaking Jackson and Kevin.

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When your birthday does finally roll around majority of your friends are on vacation. So you have like the lamest turn out to your party ever. But then everyone who does come is almost immediately disapointed if you don’t have a pool party because it’s summer you have to have a pool party. Like sorry my parents can’t afford a flipping pool!

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Not to mention if your birthday is later in the summer some people all together forget it. Like I don’t know how anyone in born in August invited people to their parties before facebook, because I had someone ask why I didn’t have a grad party because they forgot it was the same day as my 18th birthday. It’s not like my birthday is hard to remember either, the day and month are literally the same number!

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Then you have the greatest part, presents. Most people get generally great presents. This is not always true for summer kids. Sure you’ll get a few of the things you really wanted. But for the most part it’s stupid shit people thought of last minute. Like those dumb asses that get you that bullshit dollar store beach themed shit and think that counts as a birthday present. You did not put thought into that, you thought “Oh shit I forgot your birthday so I went to the $1 section at Target and bought you a sand castle kit.” And then if we’re not thrilled these people are like “You have to like beach themed stuff your birthday is in June.” Well your birthday is October should I get you a fucking pumpkin?

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And the worst is those people, who are always that distant relative or your basically senile grandparent, that some how manage to get you very out of season presents. Like a winter coat or a Halloween costume. And then they always want you to try it on to make sure it fits like “Thanks for the christmas sweater Grandma. Oh try it on? Sure it’s not like it’s 97 outside.”

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Like you know what I’d love for my birthday, front row tickets to a hockey game but oh wait can’t do that because it’s not freaking hockey season. All I want is to see Tomas Tatar on my birthday, is that too much to ask for? Sadly it will never happen (unless I stalk him (but if I were him I’d go back to Slovakia in the off season) I’m stuck with baseball games. You know how boring baseball is compared to hockey? It’s like watching grass grow. It’s like watching paint dry. At least I can look at Verlander’s ass.

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Ice cream is simultaneously the best and worst thing ever. Like do you all remember when Dairy Queen came out with their ice cream cakes? Sounds like the best idea ever right? Have a nice cool treat to celebrate your birthday with and not have to spend the money on cake and ice cream. Perfection! WRONG! Only one of two things will happen, one you take it out of the freezer too early and the damn thing melts and no one wants to eat soupy cake. Or you take it out too late and then it is impossible to cut through it meaning you have to wait for it to thaw a bit more, which by then most people won’t even want the thing.

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One word: MOSQUITOS. Like you know how in all those movies they show the group of friends hanging out at the lake watching the sunset and it’s like the perfect situation ever? Illogical af.  You cannot be out past like 5:30 pm without being swarmed by these parasites. And unless you have like mega deet repellant forget it.

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I know that bonfires sound like a lot of fun and they can be, but only on completely windless nights. Otherwise you will be pelted with so much smoke that it will take five showers to get the smell out of your hair and you may just cough up a lung.

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Even with all of the bullshit of summer, it is still the most celebrated time of year. And if anyone understands how to accept the worlds crap it’s summer kids. We literally allow the world to forget the day that celebrates our birth every year just because we understand that you’d rather be hanging out at the beach sipping on a cold one while listening to Luke Bryan or something like that. We get that you view summer as a time of freedom from responsibility and that you don’t want to worry about anything.

At this point in my life I’ve gotten to the point of just accepting that you know summer sucks for me… and it doesn’t for most people. But even if I forever wish that the average temperature on my birthday wasn’t in the high 80’s at least my sixteenth birthday was the best math occurrence ever. Plus can you say that Bejing threw a party for you? Because I freaking can!

à bientôt

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